My reckoning with 2023

...a poem

Fuck Right Off, 2023

That’s it,
that is all 
I have
to say,
to you.

Well, no,
actually,
there's more. 
More
you need 
to know.

Fuck Off.
Go Away.

You 
started out
all warm
and hopeful.

Then
on my outbreath,
when I
least expected it,
on the most 
naive of
exhalations,
you,
Blindsided me,
Knocked me 
down
where 
I lay 
sprawled on my belly,
head turned
to the side,
my one eye madly
searching
for the open sky.
Your foot,
pressed hard
against
the side
of my face.
Pinning me down.

I lay there 
for months.
unable to move
or breathe
or hope
under your 
crushing weight.

The moment
I eventually 
stopped
resisting
and surrendered,
is when you 
finally 
eased up.
But,
your shoe
has left 
its footprint
on my cheek.
Something 
to ensure
that 
I never 
forget
you.

2023.
I know 
you are 
winding down. 
Almost done.
You will 
soon 
be leaving
of your
own accord.
And that
will be
the end 
of you.
Your last hurrah,
so to speak
is today,
New Year's Eve.

Before the day 
gathers momentum 
I sit in the quiet
and
am struck by
the December sunlight,
splitting 
into
a myriad of crystals
in its dance
with dewdrops,
clinging
to the needles
of the pine.

It's what would be 
described 
as a beautiful day
with a 
clear blue sky.
I notice, 
I long
for the same 
clarity.
But it's not
mine to have.

My fingertips
repeatedly
trace over
the imprint,
located
on the side 
of my face,
like a tongue
drawn to 
the space of a missing tooth.
Exploring
the pattern
that is
permanently etched
into my skin
like a map.
A map
to my heart.

2023,
I watch intently
as you begin to gather
your belongings
and start 
to walk away.
I feel the impulse 
to yell 
after you
again,

Fuck Right Off 2023! 

I am suprised
when you 
actually
stop
and 
turn around
our gaze meeting 
briefly.
I don't want to miss
my chance
to tell you
everything,
to let you know
what you 
have done
to me.
The words
erupt from deep 
within 
in a torrent
of emotion
I scream at you.

Go away.
and don't come back.

You don't answer though.
You
simply turn, 
and continue
on your way.

As your shape 
disappears in the distance
I try to yell again
but my voice
is now hoarse
and all that 
emerges 
into the ever widening space 
between us
is 
a fervent whisper...

And don’t you dare,
take
my Love
with you...

New Year’s Eve 2022, Mexico